Memoirs of a lost soul
by Yukaya
Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the “bad guys” having love issues…
1. Identity

Harry Potter Fanfic by JustAShootingStar

Title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: JustAShootingStar

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Hey everybody. This is my first fic so I'm gonna need those who reed this to review, k? I know it's a short first chapter and there's not much to say about it, but don't worry the rest will be interesting, I promise o. Thanks a lot guys. Also, it doesn't matter which language you review in, as long as it's one of the following: English, Arabic (if it's possible to do that on , I don't know :D), French, German, and Italian. Thanks for your help, and constructive criticism would be most helpful . (And I have to warn you, when it comes to writing, my English is very complicated…) Enjoy your reading and tell me all about it .

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**Chapter 1: Identity**

Slowly, very slowly, I began to open my eyes, the sun's light rays shining between my slightly open eyelids, the soft breeze rustling through my hair. After a few moments of trying to see properly, I managed to get a glance of the landscapes surrounding me, finding, to my greatest pleasure, that I was still in the same place I had been the night before. I began rising from the ground, slightly unbalanced by the events that had occurred here the night before. I was on a small hill covered in long green and yellow grass. It was an ideal place to be if you seeked intimacy or privacy or even just a place you could find mental and physical relief. And who would've thought it would be this close to the place I so dearly called "home".

Was it truly "home"? I didn't really know. But something told me it was ok. Something was constantly saying it should be home, constantly reminding me who I lived with and how much I should respect them, treat them with care and talk to them well. Somehow, all of this seemed to be real, but it also looked like a complete lie.

It was suffocating to have to always take care of what you did, be careful not to hurt anyone by what you said. It was like trying to fly with broken wings like those of a bird that was just shot down by the heartless hunter who was, at that time, the manners I longed to banish and the people that wished to make of me the perfect daughter, trying to make me flawless but making me clueless as well during the process ― clueless about the things in life more important than how to drink from my cup like a well-mannered little girl or how to curtsey like a cute little princess. I hated all of this. It made me feel like my life had no meaning and like I was destined to be some sort of miserable creature for which life had reserved its best punishments. I started to hate everything around me so much that, soon enough, I was falling into a deep depression, being more misunderstood by the minute. Even loving all of the people I lived with had begun to be a problem. I just couldn't treat them like I used to anymore, like they were precious, like they were my family.

"_But they are my family, aren't they?"_ I would ask myself this question so often during my childhood that in the end, I began to question myself about who I really was. This earned me a lot of trouble as a child and some of my former friends actually began to despise me. It didn't really matter, though. As long as it didn't affect my _other self,_ then I was fine with it. As long as he was still there, then it wasn't a problem. I was safe.

Who is my _other self,_ you ask? Let me take you back to the time I still had a _first_ self to begin with…

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Voilà ! Hope you liked it . See you next chapter .


	2. Innonence disturbed

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: JustAShootingStar

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's the second chapter to my fic . Again, constructive criticism would be most helpful (and most wanted :P). Hope you guys like it. Enjoy ! (Oh, and I know my chapters are very short but all the better to make the story longer, right o?)

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**Chapter 2: ****Innocence disturbed**

It was a long summer day full of joy and hope. We were all going on a trip to the zoo. Me and my friends were so excited to go that we decided to arrive early at school the following morning in order to be the first on the bus. I wanted to go to the zoo! I felt so comfortable with animals. It was like we understood each other. My friends didn't know that, though. They would laugh at me if they knew. So I kept it a secret from everyone. Except for my goldfish of course. I told her about everything no matter how futile it was. At least _she_ would understand. People often thought I was strange, but I didn't really care anymore. Besides, I was only five years old. So far, nothing mattered.

The bus arrived at eight 'o clock to pick us up from school and drive us to the zoo where we would be meeting with a guide to show us around. We strolled along the tight pathways of the zoo. I could hear my friends talking and laughing loudly as we walked amongst the horses, rabbits, and chickens. I didn't really pay attention to what they were saying. I just walked around admiring the animals and, soon enough, I was disappearing into the darkness of the forest close-by to the zoo. The dark intrigued me very much. People would sometimes think I was mentally disturbed because of my interest in the darkness. But like I said before, I never cared much about what people told me. In the end, it was all lies. Everything everyone did was a lie to me. My entire life was a lie. Feeling this as a child, I began to search for comfort, whether it was a place, a person, or even an animal. My desperation made all solutions possible.

I began to go further into the forest, with a slight tingling feeling in my stomach. I was scared but I still felt it was okay. I kept walking for what felt like hours even though I knew the others were waiting for me and must have been looking all over the zoo for me, fearing I had been kidnapped or had gotten lost. Yet I still continued to walk, going further and further into the forest, feeling it's magical force suck me into it, and the more I walked, the more I had that same tingling feeling in my stomach, the same feeling you get before an impossibly important event in your life happens. I walked and walked and suddenly, without warning, I came upon an empty space between the trees big enough for a wizard dual. I stayed hidden behind the trees surrounding this small area when I saw a hooded figure appearing from behind the trees on the opposite side of this space. I didn't understand who this person was, until they opened their mouth and spoke to me. It was at the same time the most calming and the most frightening voice I had ever heard, and it said to me….

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That's it, folks . Hope you guys enjoyed your reading. Maybe next chapter I'll tell you who the main character is. In the mean time you try to guess who it is :D (I personally think it's pretty easy :P). And yes I do like suspense at the end of fics so get used to it XD! Well, see ya next chapter . Until then…


	3. Hello, my friend

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: JustAShootingStar

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Here's chapter number three . Again, constructive criticism would be most helpful (and most wanted :P). Hope you guys like it. Enjoy ! (Anyone feeling the suspense rising yet o?)

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**Chapter 3: "Hello, my friend"**

The stranger approached me slowly. I knew he was a stranger but I somehow felt it was okay to talk to him. He stopped advancing and stood in the middle of the empty circular space between the trees, where the light shown down on him. He was wearing a black wizard's cloak with a hood that covered his face almost entirely. He looked like he was of my father's age and had his same silhouette, so I decided I could trust him, but when he spoke, I felt a great, indescribable feeling rush throughout my whole body. His voice was the most calming and yet frightening I had ever heard.

"Hello, my friend" he said.

"Hello" I answered in fear.

"I won't ask you for your name."

"Why not?" I asked hesitantly

"Because I already know it" he said, smiling. "In fact, I know everything about you. Where you live, who your parents are, what your favorite hobbies are,… I know everything"

"How do you know all this?" I told him. I was starting to think it would be better if I left, but I stood still, waiting for his answer.

"I know it because you told me" he said

"But how? I don't even know you."

"Yes, you do. But you just don't realize. Can't you see? I'm yours. Entirely yours. I am the person you've been living with all your life, since the day you were born. I am the creator of your dreams, your thoughts, your whole world." He made a slight pause as if to announce the arrival of something important. "I am your friend. I…" he kneeled down in front of me and put his hand on my left cheek "I am your other half, a part of you, just as you are a part of me. I live in you, and that has been the case ever since you took in your very first breath. I do not wish to hurt you, but I cannot help but realize you are in need of a true friend. You see me now as you father, but I assure you I will reveal to you my true self soon. I come to you in search of company, I wish for you to trust me as I do you. Is it possible?"

"I don't understand." I said softly. "Why don't you just show me who you really are now, while you're still here?"

"Oh, don't worry, dearest. If you accept my friendship, I promise to come visit you very often."

He stood and held out his hand for me to shake. Suddenly, I felt a strange urge to hug this man, even though I knew that what I was seeing was an illusion, which made was I was hearing less plausible than I already suspected. However, I still thought it was safe so I trusted him. I took a hold of the stranger's hand and felt a sudden warmth overwhelm me, making my limbs numb and my head clouded.

"There. Now we have finally become friends."

And that is how it all started. The safety, the trouble, the calm, the noise, the joy, the pain… everything began with that one simple, yet forever bonding handshake.

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There you go, chapter three . Hope you like it. And reviews of all sorts would be helpful (as long as the negative ones consist of constructive criticism, of course :P) See you all next chapter byee


	4. Demons in my head

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's chapter four . Again… REVIEW ! If you want to criticize, go ahead, but make it useful, k? Hope you guys enjoy it !

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**Chapter 4:**** Demons in my head**

That night, I lay awake in bed, buried by darkness, thinking about what had happened a few hours earlier. I couldn't understand what that person had told me; I just remembered parts of our dialog. The words spun around in my head like a hurricane, never making any sense. "_I know everything about you. I am a part of you, just as you are a part of me. I live in you." _ But how? I didn't get it. No matter how many times I repeated these phrases in my head, I never got a drop of meaning out of them. I just couldn't figure it out and, after what seemed like hours of restless thinking, I finally fell into a deep, dark sleep, which brought along an intriguing dream.

I was in a very dark room, crouching on the floor, curled up into a ball with my back against the wall. Dust floated up into the air as I sat there, motionless. The room was so cold I could feel my nose become numb. I could feel the walls come closer, and the closer they came, the harder I held my legs to my chest. The fear I felt was so strong I couldn't hold back the tears from flowing out of the eyes I held so tightly shut. My hands got sore from clutching onto my body and my finger nails were slowly penetrating into my soft, pale skin. I started bleeding. Somehow, I felt a strange pleasure to the feeling of my blood pouring down my legs, onto my hands, and down onto the floor where my hair lay softly atop the now blood-covered ground. Suddenly, a strange, dark figure come forth from the shadows in front of me, his presence bringing along a blue haze above his head, which seemed to lead to the sky. It was a boy. A tall, pale, thin, blond-haired boy, who seemed to be older than I was. I had never seen him before, yet I felt I knew who he was; and the moment he spoke, I recognized his voice, the only thing he had not changed about himself during our last encounter. He knelt down in front of me, at arms length, and held out his hand for me to take.

"Lest us be friends" he said. "I shall not hurt you. Take my hand and follow me to our destiny. Come with me to my world where we can share our thoughts and feelings freely and without hesitation. Believe in me, just as I believe in you. Come now, don't be afraid. You shall be happy. I promise you this."

He was so charming. I couldn't resist the light that shown in his bright blue vivid eyes. I longed for a secure place to live and now here he was offering me that. I had to accept it. I slowly started to float up into the air as his hand met with mine and, together, we flew up into the darkness which slowly parted, revealing the sky and leading us to new horizons.

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There you go chapter four is officially (and finally :S) finished AND published :D !! ok, I gotta go drink some water or pour it over my head or something so I can relax…. See you guys next chapter :D byee


	5. First Encounter

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Chapter five is up ^_^! Again… REVIEW ^_^! If you want to criticize, go ahead, but make it useful, k? By the way, here's a long chapter to make up for posting late. Enjoy ^_^.

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**Chapter 5: F****irst encounter**

The next morning, I awoke feeling somewhat lighter than the day before, when the stranger had come to see me in the forest behind the zoo. Moving rapidly, I got out of bed, performed my daily ritual in the bathroom, and headed downstairs to the private dining room where my parents and older brother were having breakfast.

"Irmanda!" scolded my mother. "Where have you been all this time? Your father and I need to talk to you."

"Yes, mother." I replied.

"You shall listen carefully and shall not say a word until I have said all what I wish to say, understood?" My father spoke in a cold voice, that which made it clear that my existence would be threatened dare I speak a word.

"Yes, father" I said, almost whispering from the fear

"Good." he snapped. "Today, we are going to see a good friend of mine, one with whom I have professional relations which should not be doubted by him. This man offers me a great deal of trust and money, and if that was to be troubled, I shall never forgive the person whose fault it was. Do you understand, Irmanda? We will see a man that can put all our lives on the line if we dare offend him in any way or form possible. Thus, I order you to keep quiet at all times, sit still, and only answer by saying small phrases such as "Yes, sir" or "Yes, madam". Furthermore, we will be sitting in the dining room, so I want you to leave the room and be gone well out of earshot when you are asked to do so. I hear they have a son five years older than you are. You shall sit with him at all times; he will know when to leave the area and where to take you. You are to follow him around the manor and do as he wishes. Brake any of these rules and your very life will be at stake. Do I make myself clear?"

The way he spoke was terrifying. Throughout his speech, I listened very carefully to what he said and learned it all by heart. He said I would be meeting this man's son, but I wasn't interested in him. I didn't understand why they were taking me to see these people if my presence was so unwanted I was to fake a silent death. It _was_ a silent death after all. I could neither talk, whisper, go where it pleased me to go, or sit next to whom I wished. For you, dear reader, it is difficult to imagine how a girl my age could be so suppressed by her family. After all, I was barely twelve years old but was still treated as if I was only two; like it mattered to tell me to keep quiet or to sit still, like I didn't already know that. I soon came to understand that that was simply how life went when you were born in a rich family. The wizarding world was a difficult place to live in if you were rich, especially if you were a rich teenage girl, daughter of a very important and very rich man. However, being rich didn't stop your father from yelling at you and hitting you, even at the age of twelve.

Despite my having a shivering cold body that was paralyzed from fear of my father, I was able to whisper a soft _"Yes, father, as you wish"_, allowing me to sit at the table and start on my breakfast. My brother left a few minutes later saying he had work to do. This, of coarse, meant he would not be there during tonight's meeting with this other my father so deeply feared. You think I didn't care about making a mess at that reunion? You're probably right, but I had to control myself, at least until I was safely locked up in my dreams with my dear friend again.

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I looked at the manor in full admiration as our carriage pulled to a halt at the bottom of a long marble staircase leading to the front door of the Malfoy Manor. I assumed Lucius Malfoy was the man my father had spoken of that morning. The door opened slowly, revealing a witch, who had to be Narcissa Malfoy, and a wizard, whom I guessed to be her husband Lucius. My parents descended first from the carriage. As I followed them, I thought I caught a glimpse of a blond head running after a brown one inside the manor. However, I couldn't look any further, seeing I had to say hello to our night's hosts. After the formalities were over, we headed inside the manor and our evening began.

There was no one at the table apart from the Malfoy couple, my parents, and me at the table. Once we finished our meals, Narcissa accompanied my mother to another room for a chat and my father asked me to leave and go look for Mr. Malfoy's son. I wasn't too enthusiastic about this new encounter but I knew too well what any disobedience would cost me. So I left to fetch this Malfoy boy. I wondered if he was one of those who were running after each other when I had first arrived. Funnily enough, I soon found out. Just as I turned around the next corner, I bumped into someone. Looking up, I saw it was a young man, about sixteen years old. He was taller than me by a head or two and had brown hair and grey eyes, one of the most enchanting pair of grey eyes I had ever seen. He seemed distracted at first, looking around him as if trying to get away from someone or something. Then, realizing my presence, he calmed down, fixed himself up a little, and put a smirk on his face. Seeing the traces of sweat on his face it was obvious to me that he had been running. As he looked towards me in such interest I couldn't help but blush.

"Hey there" he said, still smirking and looking me up and down. "I've never seen _you_ here before." He seemed to be so confidant in himself. Or at least he had to be, in order to be looking at me like that, as I f I was the prey and he the predator. "Are you the daughter of that old man we're hosting today?" I gave a slight nod. "I knew it. Only girls belonging to intelligent men like him could be as good-looking as you, my lady. Now, how about some fun. Come, I'll take you to my room – third floor, first chamber on your left. I'm _always_ up there." He said, smiling.

His look became more intense as he began to approach me. Suddenly I felt an urge to flee, but something held me back, nailing my feet to the floor. I just stood there as his hand took hold of my right cheek and his face approached mine. I only managed to whisper a low _"wait"_ which made his smile become even wider, and slowly he continued to move in on me until his lips were impossibly close to mine. Suddenly a yell, which sounded something like "Derek", made him look up and made me jump a few inches back. I quickly turned on the spot to see where this sound had come from. It was a boy. A tall, pale, thin, blond-haired boy. He was in his early teens – about two or three years older than I was – and he was gorgeous. I had never seen such beauty in a man. In fact, I had never seen _this_ man before, yet I felt I knew who he was. He stood there a few feet away from us, slightly bent forward, breathing heavily. He was frowning and his hands were curled into big fists at his sides. He looked angry and I finally realized what the brown-haired boy had been running from.

"Derek." His tone was softer, yet his anger was obvious. "What on earth do you think you're doing? You know you're not to approach her. What were you thinking? You could have gotten all of us in trouble! You know that, don't you?"

The moment he spoke, I recognized his voice, the only thing he had not changed about himself the first time we met. He was the person from my dreams. He tried to contain his anger but was failing miserably at it. Obviously, he was not used to controlling his emotions, nor was he used to controlling his facial expressions, seeing the way he looked at Derek and me. The latter just looked blankly at him as if he was some sort of an alien. Then, in a somewhat childish way, he gave a little sigh and said:

"Oh, why do you always have to spoil all the fun in life? Well, I suppose I can't have you after all then, can I?" I blushed, this last sentence being directed to me. "I'll be off then. You know where to find me." He ended this sentence with a wink meant for me to receive and for the blond-haired boy to see.

"Just leave, will you?" said the pale boy insistently.

"Alright, alright. Hold your horses, shrimp face." He said, walking past me, disappearing from sight behind the large a large marble column.

"Well, I hope you're happy." He said frowning.

"Happy about what?" I asked, feeling blamed for a crime I had not committed.

"You have no I idea what your carelessness could have cost us, do you?" he replied

"No, I don't have any idea what's wrong with you, and I don't know why you're so angry at me." I said, my voice rising. "However, I _do_ believe I was the least careless possible. All I did was follow my father's orders. He told me to go look for Mr. Malfoy's son, and that's what I did. Now can you please explain to me how this, of all things, can be proof of my so-called carelessness because, apparently, I'm failing to understand?"

We stood there for a short while, both staring and frowning at one another. I was scared of him, yet I stood my ground, refusing to move or take my eyes off of him. Then, with a deep sigh, he took a step backwards, putting a hand on his forehead, shading his closed eyes. As he opened them again, I finally saw their color: a soft nuance of grey that seemed to pull me in the longer I looked at him. Surely enough, the tension had slightly diminished.

"I'm sorry I overreacted." He apologized with such delicatessen. "I guess I was just angry with him."

"Him? I asked. "Oh, you mean Derek, right? Who is he anyway?"

"My cousin. He's the most stupid, worthless, indiscrete, cowardly…" but I cut him off.

"Alright, I understand." I said smiling. "But he didn't seem so bad to me." He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "Well, alright, maybe a little." he chuckled "It's good to see you smile." I said joyfully. "I was beginning to think you could only frown and yell, but apparently not. There is a good side in you after all." At the sound of this last sentence he looked at me in shock. Realizing the expression his face bore, he straightened his face out and finally decided to present himself.

"I'm Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy." He gave a deep bow and held his hand out for me to take.

"Pleased to meet you, Draco" I said, shaking his hand with a little curtsey. "I'm Armanda Driggador, daughter of Olivia and Armando Driggador. I expect you know them, since they seem to know you well. They said I was to come and find you."

"I see." He said, sounding thoughtful. "Let's go somewhere else, I hate being on this floor."

I nodded in accordance to this proposition and then we were off. We moved down the majestuous staircases, past the scary goblin statues, and along the winding corridors, down into the depths of the Manor. The whole time we walked side by side, talking, even laughing together. We came to a halt in front of an enormous door which led out to the gardens. Looking around I realized that these were the vastest gardens I had ever been in. It pleased me, since I was a very nature-loving person. I walked around this prestigious layout of plants and various greens, including all types of trees and bushes. I was fascinated by the variety of plants exposed all around me. I turned to look at him. He was a few feet away from me, watching me intensely. I went up to him.

"Your gardens are beautiful." I stated

"Yeah" he replied no enthusiasm whatsoever showing in his voice.

"You live in the most magnificent mansion in the whole world yet you don't seem to like it." I told him

"It's hard to like it when you're only living there to avoid being taken away from your family by another one." He replied dully.

"What do you mean?" I asked, all of a sudden becoming more and more interested.

"I'm my father's only heir. So I'm the one who's going to inherit all of this: the mansion, the gardens, his money, everything. If I don't inherit him, my cousin will because that's what my grandfather wrote in his will. That's the only real reason I exist."

"I see" I said calmly. He started to look irritated, so I decided to let this conversation drop for his own peace of mind.

"So, where's the most interesting place around here?"

"Come. I'll show you." He told me, standing up. The smirk that now shown on his face told me something … was about to happen.

He took me back to the mansion. We walked and talked for almost an hour by the time we reached the place he was talking about. We stood in front of a large door on the third floor. I had a sudden jolt of wariness as I remembered my first encounter with the person who now awaited me on this very floor. I wished the thought away from my head only to find that it was the most stubborn one I had ever had. It finally went away when Draco opened the door – which protested with a high squeak – and told me to come in. My eyes widened in admiration as I crossed the doorstep into the unknown room. Of coarse, I expected it to be beyond beautiful, but saying that would be an understatement.

We walked further into the dark-lit chamber – he stayed behind me so as not to be in my way – as I contemplated the incredibly detailed and subtle embroideries sewn into the thick curtains hanging down from the high ceiling and walls. They were colored in black, red and silver on black cloth the length of the stone walls they covered. Though a grand chandelier hung from the ceiling, the only source of light in this room was a gathering of candles shaped in various traditional forms – short and thick and tall and thin. The dim lighting gave me a somewhat reassuring impression of this room, despite the fact that it made it hard to see even half of its contents. Despite the darkness I somehow felt at ease. There was a wooden desk – with one chair behind it and two in front of it – standing in the far back of the room, facing the door. I slowly walked over to the desk without really knowing what I was thinking. Draco was suddenly at my side, a worried expression faintly visible on his pale face. I figured I was just so absorbed by the beauty of the ornaments decorating the room that I had forgotten all about him, not to mention his deep, maybe even frustrating silence. He continued to stare at the floor like a child who had something to confess to his parents. I moved closer to him to see his face, expecting him to back away like most shy people tend to do. I guessed I was wrong about him being an introvert. He stayed silent and still as a statue, still staring at the floor with great interest. After a while, I looked away, back at the desk. A glistening object laid carefully on it had caught my attention when the light coming from one of the candles brushed across it in a ghost-like way.

The shiny object was a long, silver table cloth that was piled carelessly – still looking like a piece of art and matching with the curtains nonetheless – on the desk, flowing over the side, almost touching the ground. Black satin laces were gently embroidered into the thin silver velvet. It was so overly beautiful that it could only belong to a family like the Malfoy's. I reached out to touch it gently with the tips of my fingers, caressing the length of the soft cloth. I was aware of Draco's intense eyes focused on my face but decided not to react. He continued to stare at me and his gaze fell on the hand that was still tracing the borders of the satin. Very slowly, his hand moved towards mine. He seemed quite hesitant and, failing to understand his intentions, I stood almost motionless, my fingers still delicately tracing the contours of the cloth. He seemed to rethink what he was doing and took several steps back towards the wall behind him.

"Maybe we should go." He said in a low voice, staring at the floor.

I nodded once and we left the room. I threw a last glance at the cloth that covered the desk before retreating out of the dark chamber. For a reason I was yet to learn, I felt somewhat attracted to that piece of cloth, as if it were somehow mine, as if it had belonged to me in a previous life and had been taken away from me by force. Now I was being reunited with my long lost cloth, after so many years of solitude, and I couldn't even take it back home with me despite the obvious need I felt for it to be mine again. Of course, this was just a feeling, nothing more yet it still seemed so real to me. I shrugged away from the thought and followed Draco out of the room, down the stairs and back into the gardens, which led us to the main entrance again. Suddenly, a new thought came into my head.

"Why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Why what?" he said stiffly.

"Why did you take me to that room?"

"Let it go, it doesn't matter."

"But I want to know. Please?" I tried, with my best pleading expression this time.

"It doesn't matter" he insisted.

"Okay…for now" I wasn't ready to be defeated and I wanted the answer to my question!

After that, we walked around in silence for a long while until our parents came out of the study, finishing the conversation they were all visibly happy to leave behind. Draco and I stood waiting for them by the main entrance, without addressing a single word to each other, both facing a different direction. Mr. Malfoy looked our way and frowned at his son for a second before whispering calmly to his wife who equally looked disappointed. My parents did the same. I wondered what about Draco and I was so worthy of their fierce expressions, like we would truly regret something after they were done with us. I kept my mouth shut, since I definitely wasn't in a rush to find out what had gone wrong.

Draco had looked up to greet his parents but immediately looked back at the floor after seeing the ferocity that lingered deep in his father's eyes. This was obviously a day none of us would forget.

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Okaaaaaaay ^_^ Phew! That was long! Hahah ^_^ Anyways, tell me what you think =D If you have any suggestions, go ahead and tell me…Remember: constructive criticism is always welcome ;) lol

See you guys for the next chapter and I'm looking forward to reviews ;)


	6. Scolding

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's another chapter ^_^. I wrote this at one in the morning, so it might not be as good as the past chapters but I was inspired so I wrote it anyways ^_^ lol. Enjoy your reading !

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**Chapter 6: ****Scolding**

"What on earth happened?" my mother screamed in my face as soon as the main entrance of our home was tightly closed behind us, keeping our voices safely locked _inside_ the house.

"Mother, I have absolutely no idea what you're talk-" I started.

"Don't you fool around with me, young lady, I know an angry couple when I see one!" she cut in.

"Olivia, please…" my father tried to calm her down but in vain.

"Don't start, Armando, you saw the looks on the Malfoys' faces just as well as I did" she said, holding a finger up at my father like a mother scolding a child who wouldn't listen.

"Olivia, that's enough!" he replied, his voice rising. Despite the obvious control she had over my father at some moments, my mother wouldn't dare to contradict him at this stage of any conversation. She knew her limits well. Especially since… but the trail of thought I was following disappeared as my father brought me back to reality. "Irmanda, what in the name of the heavens happened back there between you and Draco Malfoy?"

It was the same question my mother had shouted at me just seconds earlier but, coming from my father and his calm attitude – which surprised me, seeing that he was usually even more static than my mother was – I was able to respond:

"I'm not really sure, actually" I replied in earnest. "I was searching for him when I met his cousin, Derek…" my parents glanced at each other nervously "…and then he came and told him to leave." Their expressions relaxed slightly. "Then we walked around for a while – he showed me the gardens and a very strange and dark room. Then we came back to the main hall. Nothing happened, really…"

"What's that about a room?" asked my father, eyeing me anxiously.

"Well, we went into this room on the third floor…" I had trouble concentrating due to both overly-interested pairs of eyes settled on my face. "It was very dimly lit, with only a few candles on the desk and window sill. There was a table cloth on the desk. It was somewhat enchanting. I didn't even see him move while I contemplated the satin and velvet. Then his expression turned from hopeful to sad and we left without addressing another word to each other. I asked him for explanations but he refused to give me any whatsoever, insisting it didn't matter. He seemed reluctant to leave. I tried to understand, I truly did, but he refused to tell me anything about that room. It was somewhat frustrating."

I said the last sentence to myself, knowing only too well the infuriating impact it would have on my mother if I dared speak it any louder. I stared at the floor, waiting for my father to pass any sort of judgment on my behavior, tell me I was wrong at best or beat me until I passed out from the pain at the worst. I waited as my father digested my words soundlessly. Then, he stood from the chair he was seated in and walked towards the corridor leading to his study. My mother called out for him but he just ignored her, saying he needed time to think the situation through. I guessed that meant the worst was yet to come but at least I would have time to prepare for it when it did. I excused myself from the entrance hall and slipped away, back to my bedroom, the only place I could find some peace of mind. I tried to figure out what was so wrong with what I had done with Draco but I found the problem was maybe not what I _had_ done but what I _hadn't_. That seemed logical to me and, as I crept onto my king-sized bed, I lost my consciousness to exhaustion and memories of the dark room filling me up like fire. A new nightmare was beginning.

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There you go ^_^. See you all for the next chapter ;)


	7. Panic

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's another chapter ^_^. I wrote this at one in the morning, so it might not be as good as the past chapters but I was inspired so I wrote it anyways ^_^ lol. Enjoy your reading !

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**Chapter 7****: Panic**

Darkness surrounded me, highlighting my every move. I ran through green trees, hardly making my way across the dark scenery of the woods. I didn't know where I was going but running seemed more vital now than if I were being pursued by a killer. I ran and ran never stopped running, losing my breath and tripping every now and then only to shove my self off the floor and continue fleeing. I didn't even know if I was running _from_ someone – or something – or if I was running _to_ something but the more I ran, the less I knew the reasons behind my efforts.

I stumbled once more and found myself falling through the trees into the center of a small, dark meadow. I tried to get up but couldn't remember how to move anymore. Maybe the running had exhausted me. I tried again but my muscles weren't cooperating. Suddenly, an enormous, strange, black creature came into view on the other side of the meadow, walking slowly in my direction, baring its teeth, prepared to attack. I heard laughter behind me and swirled around to see where it was coming from. It was the Malfoy couple standing several feet away from me at the border of the small clearing. Remembering my predator I looked back in its direction and realized it looked a lot like the painting on the entrance hall wall in my house. My parents had once told me it was a dragon but I had never believed them. Now the existence of such beings became of undeniable reality, moving towards me like a snake readying itself for the kill. I stared incredulously at the creature as it approached me, trying to deny its presence, as if that would make it disappear. It was now only a few feet away from me when it paused, staring me in the eyes. I stared back not knowing how to react.

The creature suddenly changed its attitude and bent its head down for me to caress it. I did so and the couple standing behind me screamed in pain and anger. Seeing the panicked look in the animal's eyes, I turned around quickly, feeling a jolt of panic run through me like an electric shock. The couple looked more infuriated than I could have imagined, making me more anxious and afraid. I gripped to the creature beside me for help but, just like me, it was frozen in fear. The Malfoy's then seemed to lose all self control, charging at me with full speed.

I awoke from my dream sitting up in my bed, screaming madly. When I realized that I was safely seated in my own room and not in the clearing I had seen in my dream, my pulse started to slow and the pressure I felt in my whole body started to lessen. Remembering that I could now move, I got slowly out of bed and walked all the way to the kitchen to get a cup of water. As I walked, I pondered about the dream I had had and decided I shouldn't wait for the answers to come to me. I would sneak out to the wizarding library of London the next morning and find out what I needed. The answers to all of my questions were bound to be there, just waiting for me to discover them.

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There's another chapter ^_^. Hope you guys like it and see you next chapter ;)


	8. Secrets

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's another chapter ^_^. I wrote this at one in the morning, so it might not be as good as the past chapters but I was inspired so I wrote it anyways ^_^ lol. Enjoy your reading J!

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**Chapter 8: Secrets**

I flipped through the pages of the books I found in the library. All of the books were ancient enough to be mistaken for mere sheets of paper gathered in cloth even though, at the time they were first published, they would have – without a doubt – been hard-covered books. They were full of words and images that didn't even make sense, despite my profound knowledge of Latin and medieval English. I continued to look, searching for something that would clarify the ideas in my head. I continued to flip through the pages of the ancient material in my hands, believing less that I would find an answer every minute. After going through a dozen books, page by page, I went to another section in the library and went through another dozen book before giving up and leaving the city altogether. I hated not finding what I was looking for but I knew I had to be patient and I knew this would take me a while.

I continued to search in various libraries all throughout the week, getting more lost at every new book I picked up. I was starting to get discouraged. I wanted to find answers to the questions running around in my head, confusing me beyond anything I had ever experienced before but each time I tried I ended up straying farther from the truth. One day, as I was giving up and heading back home after a long ten-hour search in the library closest to my old home in London, I walked past a very peculiar pub. I entered the pub, knowing not what to expect. It was quite ordinary from the inside but the people there stared back at me, some angry, some confused, and some utterly petrified by an emotion I could not understand. I walked past them, trying to see what caused their troubled gazes and failed miserably at it. I somehow remembered this place and was almost certain that I had come here once with my father long ago. I followed the path in my memory to the back of the pub end found a large brick wall blocking my way. I was out of the pub, behind it, hidden from everyone's eyes. I remembered how my father had once tapped the brick wall with a stick and so I did the same with my fingers. Magically, it worked.

The wall split and parted, evaporating into thin air and leaving me under an arched pathway onto a very crowded street. I hesitated at first, then stepped onto this street, looking around in amazement et the diversity of things stacked into piles on shelves and hidden behind curtains. I walked around, watching in awe as people bumped into me and into each other and as objects flew up into the air without the help of anything. People around me were dressed like my parents, wearing dark cloaks that touched the ground and sharp hats that covered their heads. However, none of the women wore Victorian-style dresses like mine. Some of them even stared at me walk by, just like the people in the pub. The street was so big and yet so crowded that I kept walking without realizing which direction I was going in. A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to a small path. The person whispered in my ear and I was relieved to know who it was.

"Have you gone mad? What on earth do you think your doing?" I stared at Draco in confusion as he pined me to the wall of the dark alley. He seemed extremely edgy and nervous.

"What? What did I do now? I was only walking down a street, for heaven's sake. I didn't do anything wrong." I answered back, trying to keep calm as to not annoy him any further.

"What do you mean you were _only_ _walking down the street_? Have you any idea how dangerous it is for you to even be here? And worse, your unprotected. Don't you have some sort of body guard or nanny or _something_ to keep an eye on you?"

"Listen, your constant anger is really starting to get on my nerves." I was furious and felt insulted. I frowned and looked him straight in the eyes, making sure he understood how much I hated his treating me like a child. Did I really act so childish?

"Yes, you did" he said. Had I said that out loud? He looked back at me for a while, very firmly, slightly frowning. Then he sighed and backed away.

"Alright then will you please tell me _why_ you're walking around Diagon Alley alone?" He looked at me, obviously exasperated by having to save me from a catastrophe every now and then.

"I was looking for a library, got lost..." I said, although _curious_ would have been a better word " ...and ended up here. It's as simple as that and now I don't know how to get back home. So do you mind? I'm not really in the mood for lectures."

"I apologize" he said.

"So do I" I answered. He looked at me cautiously for an instant then decided there was obviously no danger there to avoid. I felt him drop his guard.

"Come. I'll take you home"

I nodded and walked by his side as we left the alley and walked back to the crowd. Now no one seemed to look at me at all. I walked by Draco's side and moved closer when he asked me to, trying to keep up with his pace as he raced through the crowd looking concentrated or angry, I didn't know which.

"Stay close" he insisted as we passed by a group of red-haired individuals. I recognized no one but all of them seemed to recognize Draco, a person they visibly hated to cross. All Draco did, though, was throw them a disgusted look and drag me – by the hand – along with him down a dark, narrow street. It felt awkward to be holing hands like this under the curious eyes of so many passers-by that were now staring at the scene as we walked past them. I felt myself blush but continued to walk all the same, following Draco's every move until we reached a dark store.

"Draco, _where_ are we going?" I pleaded.

"Shh!" he whispered. "Wait by the front door while I discuss something with the man at the counter." He said, then went to where the man stood. They had only spoken a few unintelligible words when Draco came back for me, pulling me up the stairs to a barely lit room.

"Can you please tell me what's going on?" I repeated.

"Stay quiet!" – he hesitated – "I'll tell you later."

"Fine." I said, defeated.

He started to rummage around between the shelves, apparently looking for something. Then he found it. It was an old shoe that he held up with precaution using a wooden plank. Right behind him, on a shelf on the other side of the room, I could make out the shape of a hand, contrasting slightly against the brown of the wood.

"Hold it."

"Hold what?"

"Hold the portkey." He said it as if it was obvious.

"The what?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I'll count to three and we'll both grab it." He muttered something under his breath but I guessed it was better I didn't hear it.

"Alright, if you say so. I'll trust you" I teased. He raised an eyebrow and stared at me.

"Urgh" he whispered, rolling his eyes.

I giggled slightly as he started counting. One. Two. Three. All of a sudden I was in the air, spinning around myself, choked by some invisible rope. Air ripped at my dress and ran through my hair, sending waves of emotion all over my body. I could feel myself flying too fast for it to be enjoyable. I did my best to hold on to the port-thing but I was slipping. A hand took hold of mine and I was safe again, holding onto the shoe for dear life, using as much force as I could muster. Suddenly, the spinning stopped, the flying ceased, and I was cradled in Draco's arms as his feet touched the ground so silently it was almost unreal. He whispered for me not to cry – I never noticed I _had_ been. He got up and carried me all the way to my bed – I hadn't realized where we had landed either: my bedroom – and set me atop it. I clung to him. I didn't want him to leave, I felt safer with him there.

"Shh" he whispered softly to me. "I have to go. I really shouldn't stay."

"Why not?"

"Because if I do we'll both end up in trouble." His voice was somewhat apologetic.

"Please don't go." I pleaded. "I promise I won't do anything wrong."

"It's not about _doing_ something, it's about_ not_ doing it."

"Huh? Wait, you lost me."

"Never mind. I'll come back for you tomorrow."

"You're coming tomorrow?" I asked excitedly, looking at him for the first time since we landed. Just as I thought, his face was just as apologetic as his voice still was.

"Yes. My parents and I are coming for a visit but you'll only be finding out about that tomorrow morning. So I suggest you don't wake up too late. Remember to seem just a little surprised when your parents tell you about it." I looked at him in bewilderment. "It's just a safely measure, so they don't find out we were together."

"Alright." I said.

I didn't know what else to say. It would be wrong to go against his advice. I obviously had no idea what kind of trouble I was constantly getting the both of us into. I had to play along even though I was sick of the game and I was feeling it get more dangerous by the minute. Reluctant as I was, I let him go. He _had _promised to come back after all. He turned and walked back to the shoe, leaving me confused in the emptiness of his hazy disappearance. The overwhelming sleepiness I felt suddenly took hold of me as I drifted quickly to a deep, restless sleep.

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And so ends the 8th chapter of this fanfic. I hope you guys liked it, stay tuned for the next one ;P


	9. Awakening

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's another chapter ^_^. I wrote this at one in the morning, so it might not be as good as the past chapters but I was inspired so I wrote it anyways ^_^ lol. Enjoy your reading J!

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**Chapter 9: Awakening**

Light flooded past my heavy eyelids as the sun shown through the unmasked windows of my large, gray bedroom. It was sunny outdoors and, judging by the sounds that came from behind me, I was clearly the only creature in the mansion not to have yet awoken. Birds chirped happily from behind me, on the other side of the window, as the sunlight warmed the woods, the mansion, and everything in my surroundings with only one exception to all of this: my mom. I slowly began to realize that her voiced was the only one that could be heard, only to be silenced by the overwhelming roar that was my father's way of telling her to obey him. The house – and all those within it – fell back into a resounding silence, covered by the deep warmth coming from the sun. I sat up in my bed, yawning and stretching widely. The events of my last day spent with Draco came back to me with irritating force, bringing me back to the reality of my feelings. The most difficult thing to remember was the pained look on his face as he walked away from me and span into nothingness. I remembered staring at the place he had stood just seconds before and the loneliness I felt ran through me, hitting me like a train, for the first time since yesterday. It had been so difficult to part that I hadn't realized until now how hard it really was.

I looked at the stranger in the mirror before me and found that there was still some resemblance between us. I was transforming into something new and I was afraid. The feelings that now surrounded me took hold of all my being, leaving me with the emptiness of parting and confusion. I couldn't stand the solitude yet I wanted it to last. I wanted to live these precious minutes over and over again until I was tired of them and could move on to other things but I couldn't. I couldn't stay in the confusion I was in, I couldn't sit there and pretend there was nothing wrong. I had no explanation to what I was feeling and what I wanted but I knew it wasn't innocent and I knew I had to find reasons to let it go. Then again, I couldn't do _that_ either. I was too afraid of the unknown but I wanted to know the reasons behind the overprotection he had towards me. I wanted to know why he was always there to save me, why there was a reason to save me at all. I was clueless about everything and I wasn't going to let it last. I was going to confront him about it that day and end the confusion once and for all.

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Voilàààà ^_^ C'est vrai que c'est court mais bon là je suis en période d'examens alors je peux pas trop faire mieux :P lol

Au prochain chapitre alors ;)


	10. Strange encounter, part 1

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: There you go, folks, chapter 10. Enjoy ;)!

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**Chapter 10: Strange encounter, part 1**

I walked down the steps to the front hall in my deep purple gown, white gloves and silver tiara. The hall was empty except for five faces that I immediately recognized. Two of them were my parents' but the three others belonged to another family: the Malfoys. The blondest head of all turned in the opposite direction to look at the one standing closest to it. Narcissa Malfoy made a quick gesture of the head which was the green light. Draco stood there next to her as I joined them.

"There you are." my father whispered discretely into my ear as soon as I was close enough. "We've had the maids looking all over the mansion for you for the past hour. Where were you?"

"I've been in my room, preparing to look my best, just as I was instructed to do." I whispered back.

"My, my, Olivia. Your daughter is particularly beautiful tonight." Narcissa said as I got closer.

"Thank you, Mrs Malfoy" I said politely with a curtsy.

She smiled warmly at me and I smiled back, failing to understand the obvious exasperation on Draco's face.

"Shall we go?" My mother said, waving a hand towards the dining room.

"Certainly." said Narcissa, the same smile on her face.

Lucius and my father had already began their walk towards the dining room, talking furtively with one another. My mother followed them, accompanied by Narcissa, leaving me and Draco to withstand one another's presence. I didn't know when to start asking him my questions but now did not seem like a good time. He was obviously in a bad mood.

"Draco? What's wrong?" I said in a low voice so as to make sure the adults didn't hear me.

"Nothing you need to worry about." he answered.

His answer wasn't even remotely satisfying but I took it as an invitation to stop asking any more questions. I decided it wasn't a good idea to ask him about anything at all tonight but I just couldn't help but think about what he had just told me. "_Nothing you need to worry about"_ he had said. So _was_ there something I needed to worry about besides the source of today's bad humor? I didn't know. I thought I might be becoming paranoid so I found it best to drop the subject until he was ready to tell me about it himself. After all, there were other things on my mind, other questions I needed answered. We arrived at our seats in the dining room – much more quickly than I had expected – and sat down to enjoy the meal. Of course, I couldn't enjoy anything when the parents were talking to each other in such hushed voices and while Draco's humor seemed to deteriorate by the second. I wondered if what was about to happen yesterday was the source of this bad mood and I automatically felt self-conscious. I looked down at the plate on the table in front of me without fully seeing what was in it. I looked up at the people seated around me and I thought I saw Lucius Malfoy glance at me while speaking in a hushed voice to my father. I struggled to know what the issue was, why he had looked at me so intensely and, after a few minutes of brainstorming, I let the subject drop. I was bored and eager to get Draco alone, and it probably showed on my face.

"Darling" Mrs Malfoy said to Draco. "Why don't you take our little beauty here for a walk?" It was more of a demand than a question.

This had no doubt been an agreement between the two ladies and I smiled slightly at the perfect timing of such a suggestion. Draco simply stood up, came to my right and held out his hand for me to take, looking exasperated. I put my hand in his and we left the room without another glance at the parents. The door closed tightly behind us as we walked away from the room we had been in seconds ago and into the hall, the look on Draco's face making my heart jolt and the blood in my veins go wild. The hall seemed to be filling up with the intensity I found in Draco's eyes. He glared at me for a few seconds and I had to remember to breathe. His expression confused me and I didn't know what to expect. Was he going to yell at me? Maybe he was going to hit me and run out the door screaming. I waited for as long as I could before deciding that I couldn't wait any longer. His silence and wicked stare were becoming more than frustrating and I had to break the silence.

"Do I disgust you _that_ much?" I retorted angrily.

He looked confused for a minute and then he smiled tenderly as he looked into my eyes. Slowly, he came towards me, his right hand raised to the hight of my face, with an agonized look on his face. However, he didn't hesitate. I froze as I realized what was about to happen. The memory of his cousin making his way towards me in the Malfoy mansion was still clear in my mind and if there was one thing in this world that my parents hadn't taught me, it was how to deal with men... or almost-men, in this case. Draco merely ignored the shock my face displayed and continued his advance towards me. I couldn't move and that was terrifying. A small voice in the back of my head was screaming out for me to run but I just stood there, staring at the blond young man as he came within my reach. He touched his fingertips lightly to my cheek and looked at me tenderly still as I gazed into his eyes, more fierce than I had ever seen them before.

"Don't move" he whispered.

I stayed frozen in place as his face came closer to mine. After a few seconds I could feel his breath on my lips, his finally moving in to capture mine in a tight embrace. He kissed me with so much passion I could feel my cheeks turning red under his tender hands. I closed my eyes as soon as his lips touched mine, overwhelmed by such intensity. And then the kiss was over as quickly as it had begun as both of the dining couples came out of the chamber behind me. Draco turned his head quickly away from mine as the adults made their way across the hall to meet us and I thought I caught a glimpse of pain lingering on his face. However, all I could do was stare at him, incredulous and shocked as I was. I was unable to move and my head was spinning. I fought to catch my breath as my mind spun, searching for words or even a logical explanation to what had just happened.

Our parents finally reached us, talking lightly, laughing even, obviously not aware of Draco and I's little mishap. I struggled to find my lips again as my mother asked if I was alright and I had to wrench my eyes away from Draco before I could remember how to speak. I didn't know if he had realized the effect he had had on me during those few short seconds where our mouths had fought together and, as the three Malfoys went out the front door, I was sure he didn't want to explain it.

I spent the rest of my afternoon – but also my evening – trying to understand what the point of all of this was. _Why had he kissed me so fiercely and why had he looked like he was in pain when it ended?_ I asked myself. By that night I was so exhausted I couldn't even think anymore so I decided I would go to bed early. I was practically crawling up the stairs to my bedroom when I overheard a few words coming from my parents' room.

"Do you think he's right for her?" my father was saying. He sounded anxious.

"It doesn't matter!" my mother snapped. "As long as we get this over with before the others come. No one should be going against their rule, you know that well, Armando." her tone was severe, like I've heard often when she spoke to my father.

"And you think this is a truly good idea?" my father said softly. Then his voice rose: "What about what _she_ wants? I'm perfectly aware of the consequences such a union will have but what if she's not ready? Are we truly going to push our daughter into something like this?

"_Our daughter?_ Armando, have you forgotten?" my mother said in outrage, emphasizing every word.

"Of course I haven't forgotten but, Olivia..." but my mother cut him off.

"Armando, this is our only chance. If we don't do this, we will never be allowed amongst them again. Don't you understand? This is the one thread of hope we have for a future and I won't allow this girl to ruin it for us!"

"Olivia..." my father pleaded.

But I didn't want to hear any more. I turned away and climbed the stairs to my room. I changed into my night gown and sat in my bed as quiet tears began to spill slowly from my eyes. Why did my mother always treat me this way? It was as if she never cared about me, as if I wasn't her daughter. I shuddered at that thought and sank into the mattress, embracing the warmth of the thick covers. Winter was slowly making it's way to the mansion and I wouldn't let the cold of my own loneliness get the better of me. With a click of my fingers, all the candles in my room went out and a blazing fire in he fireplace lit the other end of the chamber, sending me into a deep sleep as the warmth of the fire overwhelmed me. That was the second night I dreamed that horrid dream.1

I was in a very dark room, crouching on the floor, curled up into a ball with my back against the wall – again. The same cold, the same claustrophobia haunted me and the same sick masochism controlled my every move. The dark figure came out of the shadows again, his hand held out for me to take. This time, I recognized the blond head that approached me so willingly.

"Lest us be friends" he said. "I shall not hurt you. Take my hand and follow me to our destiny. Come with me to my world where we can share our thoughts and feelings freely and without hesitation. Believe in me, just as I believe in you. Come now, don't be afraid. You shall be happy. I promise you this."

I was confused and I didn't know how to react. I looked at him as he knelt down in front of me, just a few feet away, still holding his hand out welcomely. Despite myself, I reached out to take his hand and we floated away together, just like the first time I had had this dream. Fear took hold of me as I realized we were headed for his mansion and the agonized expression I was now used to seeing on his face frightened me.

I awoke – unlike last time I had dreamed this dream – with that same fear I had felt a few seconds earlier. Sweat covered me from head to toe. The sun shown through my window, keeping sleep at a safe distance. I got out of my bed and headed to my private bathroom. Inside, I slid my night gown off and stepped into the warm water of my previously prepared bath. The memory of his face was still vivid from my dream and I tried to push it away as I sank into the warmth of the clear water that surrounded me.

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There you go, chapter 10 is up ^_^. WARNING: The next chapter is gonna be a little bit different ;)

1This is the same dream that was in chapter 4. You can re-read that as a reference. Don't worry, it's only 3 paragraphs, you'll live ;) lol Here it is so you don't have to go looking for chapter 4 (See, i'm nice :P lol):

I was in a very dark room, crouching on the floor, curled up into a ball with my back against the wall. Dust floated up into the air as I sat there, motionless. The room was so cold I could feel my nose become numb. I could feel the walls come closer, and the closer they came, the harder I held my legs to my chest. The fear I felt was so strong I couldn't hold back the tears from flowing out of the eyes I held so tightly shut. My hands got sore from clutching onto my body and my finger nails were slowly penetrating into my soft, pale skin. I started bleeding. Somehow, I felt a strange pleasure to the feeling of my blood pouring down my legs, onto my hands, and down onto the floor where my hair lay softly atop the now blood-covered ground. Suddenly, a strange, dark figure come forth from the shadows in front of me, his presence bringing along a blue haze above his head, which seemed to lead to the sky. It was a boy. A tall, pale, thin, blond-haired boy, who seemed to be older than I was. I had never seen him before, yet I felt I knew who he was; and the moment he spoke, I recognized his voice, the only thing he had not changed about himself during our last encounter. He knelt down in front of me, at arms length, and held out his hand for me to take.

- "Lest us be friends" he said. "I shall not hurt you. Take my hand and follow me to our destiny. Come with me to my world where we can share our thoughts and feelings freely and without hesitation. Believe in me, just as I believe in you. Come now, don't be afraid. You shall be happy. I promise you this."

He was so charming. I couldn't resist the light that shown in his bright blue vivid eyes. I longed for a secure place to live and now here he was offering me that. I had to accept it. I slowly started to float up into the air as his hand met with mine and, together, we flew up into the darkness which slowly parted, revealing the sky and leading us to new horizons.


	11. Strange encounter, part 2

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Here's chapter 11. I'm pretty much on a roll now with my writing so things should be going quickly, but I'm having some trouble with Internet so I might not be able to upload the chapters as regularly as would like... Anyhow, I'll try to be more regular from now on, especially because now I'm on vacation!. Enjoy your reading J! Lol

Note n'2: The _italic_ part is Draco's point of view, where you see things the way Draco sees them, and the normal part goes back to Irmanda's point of view, just like up till now.

Note n'3: WARNING!! This chapter has an "intense moment" between Draco and Irmanda at the end so those who don't like it can skip the last three paragraphs, k people? This chapter is gonna be interesting in many other ways too :) Have fun reading, I know you will ;)

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**Chapter 11: Strange encounter, part 2**

_What's the matter with me? Why am I treating her like this? Oh, no. Now my mother wants me to go for a walk with her. What walk? She's not my _dog_ for heavens sake. Oh, let's just do this and get it over with. Finally, we're out of their sight. I don't know if I should really be doing this. I know it's for the sake of both our family's future but I don't think I can trick her like that. She's bright, she'll figure out a way to get to the truth and when she does... oh, I can't bear to think of how much she'll hate me for this._

"_Do I disgust you _that_ much?"_

_She's already angry? Oh, God, what I have I done? I must show her how much she _doesn't_ disgust me. I couldn't ever see her angry at me like this. Fine, I'll do it. Just put on a smile, be gently, try not to break her, in any sense of the word. Go on, kiss her and_—_with every part that's left of you_—_hope she never finds out why you did it._

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I sat there in my bath, trying to think. I was trying to make sense out of today—and failing miserably at it. I sank down to the bottom of my pool-sized bathtub, letting the water rise above my head, thinking it might help me get to something. That was a bad idea. After just a few seconds, I came out gasping for air frantically. Under the water, I had in fact found a solution to my problem. However, I had involuntarily gasped while I was still under there, missing to kill myself by just a few drops. I coughed repeatedly, rolling out of the water and landing on the floor on my knees and hands. This lasted for what seemed like more than necessary—I was beginning to hurt my throat. I slowed down the coughing and got up from off the floor. I wrapped myself in a towel and headed out to my bed, where a green gown lay ready for me to wear. I slid it on and went to sit beside my fireplace. The winter cold, getting sharper by the day, reminded me of my dream and I shuddered the thought away.

I picked up the book I had been reading, a fantasy that just wouldn't capture my attention enough for me to finish. I turned to the last page I had remembered reading and began from there. The only thing I had in common with the hero was that I had been going to a school not far from my house—or so it seemed—and my parents had taken me out of this school ever since I told my father about my encounter with a strange man in the forest one day during a school trip. Ever since then, I had rarely been allowed out of the mansion for more than a few hours at a time. No one had explained to me the importance of such a thing. I knew I had special abilities but I had learned to control them ever since I was a toddler. Taking me out of school was annoying beyond description. The hero of this story, however, seemed to be pleased to finally get away from his school. His name rang a bell in my mind but I couldn't quite remember what it was. However, it seemed vitally important. I kept reading for a while—and then it hit me. Derek. Of course. Draco's cousin's name was Derek. I was finally going to get the answers I had waited so long to find and all of that thanks to Derek. I decided I should go see him. He was sure to know everything that Draco and his parents were hiding from me. I decided to go see him now—I still had some time to waste before my parents remembered my existence and sent someone looking for me.

I teleported to the place I remembered him saying he would be. I looked at the door in front of me—third floor, first door on the left. I knocked on the door and heard his voice say "Come in" from behind it. I gently pushed the door open and walked in.

"Well, hello there." he said enthusiastically, a smirk lighting up his face. I was obviously the last person he expected to see. He lay lightly in his king-sized bed, perched up on one elbow, staring interestedly at me as I made my way towards him.

"I'm sorry to come without an appointment." I said, stopping a few feet away from his bed.

"No worries, dear. Come sit next to me." he said, patting a space on the bed beside him, still smirking. I realized he was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

"I won't bother you long." I said. I needed to avoid approaching him by all means. "I only have a few things I was curious about."

"Ask away, princess." he said with an exaggerated gesture that looked like a bow. "I'm all yours." he winked at me.

I summoned a chair and sat exactly where I had been standing. "I was wondering... The last time we met, why did our being together infer danger? Would you tell me?"

"Oh. That." he said, his smirk disappearing. "Well, Draco would explain better than I."

My eyes tightened. I was getting irritated. I lit up a fire that slowly consumed the curtains behind his head.

"AH!" he cried in astonishment, jumping away from the fire. The bed was huge so he didn't fall off.

"Are you sure you don't want to explain?" I quired, knowing what the answer would be.

I was prepared to set even _him_ on fire if need be. He was going to answer, either he liked it or not. Threats meant nothing to me, I could do it all day and all night, as long as it kept him talking. He tore his eyes away from the flames and turned to let his stare fall on my expressionless face.

"I guess I could say a few things." his expression showed that he disagreed but he had no choice but to speak.

"Why is it dangerous for me to stay with you?" I repeated.

"They've never told you anything, have they? Your parents, I mean." he clarified. I just stared at him and he sighed. "You are a very powerful witch, born fifteen years ago." I stared at him. This, I knew. "What no one has yet told you, is that you are wanted by both the good and the evil." I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "You're really clueless, aren't you?" he said, mimicking my expression of disappointed confusion.

The fire behind him growled as it suddenly blazed and then returned to it's original size. With another yelp, Derek continued:

"There are those who work for the dark Lord," he started "...and those who are on Harry potter's side."

"Who's Harry Potter?" I asked.

"The only human who's ever survived the killing curse." he explained. "He lived through it with nothing but a scratch. A lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his forehead."

I thought I remembered a boy around Draco's age that had that same mark. I had seen him in Diagon alley the day Draco had saved me from a seemingly harmless crowd. Derek went on with his explanation. I looked at him intently, convincing him to continue. He stared back for a while before sighing again.

"You honestly have no idea what our world consists of, do you? Oh well, I guess I'll explain." he said, sighing for the third time. He was really staring to annoy me. "You see, this boy has assembled a team of foolish witches and wizards in order to defeat the dark lord. However, we all know that that's purely impossible."

"What about the others? The ones on the dark Lord's side?" I persisted. I didn't know how this conversation was going to give me the answers I wanted but I was determined and I had all the time in the world to find out.

"Well," he said "... we believe that the dark Lord is the ultimate ruler of this world. Everyone fears him and we all do as he wishes. More people would be willing to risk their lives serving him in order to protect their families than to risk their loved-ones' lives by going against him. You would need to be suicidal to disobey him." he looked a little distracted but the fun he was having telling this story was evident.

"Where do we fit in that scenario?" I asked.

"We're on the dark Lord's side, obviously. The man you call your father is trying to protect his wife by training you to become the dark Lords most powerful and trusty witch. Of course, there are those in the Lord's inner circle who disagree with this but they would never dare say a word of objection about it. Actually, the Malfoys are pretty much against this as well." At this point, I was fighting to repress a lot of emotions to the deep confines of my mind. Derek was getting on my last nerve. Seeing the confusion on my face he decided to give further explanations. " You must have felt a certain degree of attachment from Draco, my cousin, towards yourself and you must be wondering why that is." I continued to stare at him, craving more details. "He happens to be playing a game with you." he said, the smirk reappearing at a corner of his lips.

Immediately, my face displayed shock. Draco..playing a game...with me? I struggled to catch my breath. I was confused. What game? I had to know what he meant. I finally found my voice and remembered how to speak.

"I don't understand." I said softly, almost whispering. "What game?"

"Did you think his affection for you was real?" he said, the smirk twisting the left side of his mouth up. "Darling, he has less feelings for you than he has for me and that's saying something." The crudeness of his words crushed me like a biscuit hit by a train. "I suppose he's a good actor then, wouldn't you agree?"

I was at a loss for words. All I could do was stare at him in shock. I didn't want to believe it. Draco couldn't have been lying to me, he just couldn't! I refused to believe that all this had been a lie. I tried to control my face, displaying only an emotionless expression. I refused to reveal my feelings in the presence of such an animal. I couldn't help but blame him for the state I was in now. He had told me exactly what I needed to hear in order to break down and crumble in front of him. I felt the tears rising up to my eyes, betraying my carefully composed mask. I tried to hold them down and the stinging in my eyes became unbearable. A few drops trickled down my cheeks, heating them on their way down to my jaw line. I was falling into an endless pit of sorrow and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing anyone could do to save me. The helplessness overwhelmed me. Not only were me tears betraying me but so was my body, refusing to move as Derek came closer to me, his lips stretched into a victorious smile. He whispered in my ear but I couldn't make out the words. He leaned in closer, putting one hand on my cheek and the other on my back. Fear tore away at me as his lips traced my jaw line, moving up the right side of my face where a tear was falling. I closed my eyes. I didn't know what was happening, or what I should do. I felt nothing but the fear that now clawed at me, and the more I tried to move, the more I tried to get away, the more my impossibility to do so became real. I was paralyzed from head to toe, wishing I could disappear. Why couldn't I teleport myself out of this situation? I felt agony as I was pulled out of my chair and moved towards the bed. Derek pushed me gently onto it, controlling me as if I were a simple doll. He climbed over the edge of the bed and positioned himself on top of me. Being sprawled in the middle of the cushions didn't help my immobility one bit. The blood rushed through my veins at an alarmingly high pace and I closed my eyes again. I couldn't bare to watch this happen. It was all too much. I lay silent, motionless, under the expert hands that now unbuttoned my dress. I prayed that I would survive this day. Now, lying there as I was, I wished for him not to stop. I wished with all my might for him to end this torture and the only way he could do it now was to hurry, to quicken up the pace of his movements. It was dark in the chamber but the sun shown bright behind the curtains. I had been gone for at least an hour and I could only hope that my parents hadn't yet realized my disappearance. I would never know how to explain the reason behind my absence. I shuddered as I realized that my dress had been entirely removed. _He must be used to this_ I said to myself. _He must know what to do_. I lay there like a puppet waiting for someone to pull the strings. The only difference: I had no strings. Life just wouldn't pump back into my limp, pathetic excuse for a body and I stayed inert on the sheets as adept lips and hands made their way over every inch of my body. I felt ashamed, lying there in my undergarments, unable to make the slightest move. A male voice rang in the air but I couldn't make out what it said. I stared at the ceiling as more tears made their way past my suddenly open lids. I felt pain in my arms as I was wrenched off of my fluffy grave. I felt the floor beneath my knees and then I was in the air. More screaming made my head ache and I closed my eyes again, trying to tune it out. I didn't want to leave this state. I was comfortable in my fear and nothingness. Fear was all I could feel and it satisfied me fully for there were other feelings—pain, agony, loss—that I didn't want to feel. Something covered me and ruffled in the wind left behind in my passage. I was being moved. I knew this should scare me but all I could think of were the last words Derek had told me. _"I suppose he's a good actor then, wouldn't you agree?" _he had said. I couldn't make sense out of it. If he had been acting then why had it felt so real? Why?

"What is it?" said a painfully familiar voice. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

Had I said that out loud? At least now I knew I could talk. Now I would get some more answers. But I didn't want that. I realized that Draco was carrying me and it infuriated me. How could he have the nerve to touch me? In a swift movement I jumped out of his arms and both of us fell to the ground with a resounding thud. I had finally regained control of my body and I was going to confront him. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was dressed and that was a good sign—it would be easier to look angry when I wasn't embarrassed. Draco just stared at me in confusion as I got off the floor and turned on him, raging.

"What's going on?" he asked, a touch of panic in his voice.

"Don't look at me like I'm some sort of crazy animal!" I retorted. It didn't help that his expressions made me angry. He should know better than to look at me like that if he wanted to live. The flowers in the vase next to him blazed as my anger rose.

"Why are you so angry all of a sudden?" he asked, eying the flaming flowers and then turning his eyes on me.

"You know _exactly _why I'm angry!" I shouted in return. Could he pretend any longer?

"I have no idea what you're talking about." he replied with a suspicious look on his face.

"Sure you don't." This was becoming absurd. "You have no idea about the whole dark-lord-and-the-team-of-opposing-witches-and-wizards-that-fight-him thing, do you? And you don't know anything about the best-witch-or-wizard scenario either. Of course you don't. Nor do the Malfoys and nor does the dark Lord's whole inner circle. You are absurd!" By this time, I was shouting my lungs out at him. I wished he would stop pretending.

"Listen, I don't know what Derek told you—or why in the heavens you came to him in the first place, you know that's a bad idea—but you shouldn't listen to him."

"I only went to him because you refused to tell me anything." I retorted. Tears were making themselves visible again. These had nothing to do with panic, and everything to do with betrayal. "You always looked so concerned when you were around me, like there was something we could get in trouble for. You were never natural around me, not even in the dreams. All you do is lie." Tears were now streaming along my cheeks, refusing to stop, displaying my pain.

"Wait. Did you say _dreams_?" he asked, looking shocked. I immediately blushed and my gaze fell to the floor. Why did I have to say that?

"This is stupid. Just get me home." I said shamefully, avoiding to answer the question.

"No, this is actually quite serious." he said, pondering. His attitude bewildered me.

"How could you be so calm? After what just happened, shouldn't you be even angrier than I am?"

"I should, if I were something to you." I thought I heard him say "If I matter" but I couldn't be sure, it was too low.

"Of course you mean something to me. What did you think?"

"Then what was _that_ back there? With Derek?" he said, slightly irritated. I could see that I hit the spot.

"That was completely out of my hands." I replied, trying to stay calm myself—in vain. "He told me everything. I started to cry. I couldn't find the strength to move and he took advantage of that. He planned it out as soon as I started asking my questions. I couldn't do anything. It was like he had me under a spell."

I stared again at the floor, my shoulders slumping. I didn't want to look at Draco. I knew his face would portray disgust and that I could not bare. I expected Draco to spit at me and walk away, never turning back. Contrary to that, he slowly moved towards me, reaching to put a hand on the side of my pained face. I had my eyes tightly sealed. The touch of his skin against mine was pure torture, knowing he had witnessed what had been about to happen between his mischievous cousin and myself. But his fingers were softer, more gentle than any other contact I had had with them yet. Draco took me into his arms, holding me carefully to his chest as the tears poured endlessly from my eyes. I must have repeated a thousand times that I was sorry and that I didn't deserve his care but he held on tight to me, as if he were afraid to lose me. Our bodies fit together in a perfect embrace, maybe even too perfect to be true. I thought I was dreaming but his voice brought me back to reality.

"I know. I'm sorry too." he said. "I should have told you everything from the beginning. I shouldn't have lied." I nodded weakly into his now tear-stained clothes. "I promise you that that will never happen again." He waited in silence for me to calm down. I did so, sensing he was waiting to tell me something. "Now we have more important matters to deal with."

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice feeble but not breaking.

"It's your dream." I looked up at him in confusion. "It seems that someone has been interfering with our plan by giving you hints during your sleep." _Our plan?_ I thought to myself. There was a _plan_? But I let it pass, only because I was too exhausted to debate.

"I don't understand." I said.

"It's alright. Don't trouble yourself with this just yet. I need to talk to my father about it first, before we make any hasty decisions." This sounded convenient enough to me.

A violent wave of exhaustion suddenly swept over me and my knees gave way under the weight of my body. Draco caught me effortlessly just before I hit the ground—he must have felt it coming—and walked with me towards the unlit side of the mansion.

"Here's where we keep our flu powder." he informed me. "I'll come with you, it must be your first time." he said this in a reassuring whisper.

Surely enough, a few minutes later, we arrived in front of a large door. Draco knocked and waited for permission to come in. He set me on my feet, whispering to me that it would be better if his father was not to see me in such a fragile state. A male voice coming from the other side of the door allowed us to enter. Draco pushed the door open and I found myself penetrating inside an abnormally spacious chamber. One wooden desk stood in the far end of the room, a dark figure with white-blond hair sitting in the chair behind it.

"What is it?" he spat as we approached the desk. Maybe this was the wrong moment to disturb Lucius Malfoy in his own study. But Draco stopped only a foot away from his father's desk and bowed—short but low—and I curtsied from behind him.

"Father. We have come to speak to you of a very important matter. It concerns _us_." He pronounced "us" like he suggested that several "us" existed and that he spoke of them all at once.

"Sit." Lucius ordered, eying us suspiciously.

We took the seats before us and Draco gave a few quick details about what had just happened. Lucius seemed in deep thought for a while then he sent Draco into a minute description of the details. Thankfully, Draco edited out the part that involved me and Derek in the bedroom in a more than friendly embrace. I would be eternally thankful for that. Lucius Malfoy pondered Draco's explanation for a long while, leaning back in his grandiose chair—it was more of a throne than a chair—and staring at the desk. He was lost in deep thought for so long it looked like he had forgotten our presence. Then, he scribbled on a piece of parchment and handed it to Draco, making it impossible for me to read it's contents. More secrets. I didn't like it. Draco's eyes met mine for as much as a glance but it was enough for me to frown at him and for him to see it. He looked down at the paper he was holding, studied it for the shortest moment, and then handed it back to the older blond.

"Father." he said, standing and bowing and I sensed that the meeting was finally over.

"Mr Malfoy." I said, following Draco's lead and proceeding with a curtsy.

"Draco. Irmanda." he replied with a subtle nod.

We then headed back out of the room and Draco exhaled in relief.

"Like I said. Nothing to worry about." he assured me, a smile forming at the tips of his perfect lips.

"Sure." I said, my voice saturated with skepticism.

For some reason, this made Draco's smile widen into a grin—the first I had seen in so long. He grabbed my hand and toed me into a fireplace, taking out a black bag and pouring some of its powdery contents onto the ground. He then shouted my address and the next thing I knew I was landing in my bedroom's fireplace, held tightly in Draco's arms. He walked me to my bed and settled me in the center of the cushiony surface. I looked up at him then and saw his serene face for what seemed like the first time in years. Suddenly—and also for reasons I did not know, could not explain, and did not know _how_ to explain—I felt a strong pull towards him and I yearned for his strong arms to take me once more. I was longing for his sheltering body and I did not know how to react to this sudden—and surely hopeless—desire. I had forgiven him much more quickly than I had expected or planned and now I was actually _wanting _him, longing for his contact, craving for a chance to be in his arms again. I knew it was a lost case, though the desire flared in every cell of my body.

"You stay right here." he whispered to me. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I believe my father would like to have a word with yours and we'll arrange a meeting as quickly as possible." He touched my hair lightly as I stared at the covers beneath me. "I'm so very sorry you have to put up with this."

I might have been imagining the pain in his voice but the expression of agony on his face was something even my sadistic mind could not conjure. I suddenly—and oh so childishly—started to cry. The tears slipped silently from my eyes, horrified that he was leaving. He misinterpreted my tears.

"Don't be afraid." he said, not trying to hide his pain this time. "I won't let anyone hurt you like that again"

I winced at the memory of my most recent accident and grabbed Draco's arm for support. I was sure that I was close to passing out but the last thing I wanted to do in his presence was lose consciousness. I pulled on his arm, forcing him towards me and he fell lightly onto the bed. The tears were now spilling faster from my eyes and I felt betrayed, not by Draco but by the tears that ran down my face, exposing my true emotions. My need to hold him was becoming unbearable and the fact that he was in pain only made it worse. He whispered soothing words to me but all I could hear was the sound of the sobs that now ripped from my throat. I felt pathetic and I didn't know why I was doing this. It made no sense for me to want him so badly but this was all I could feel right now. I couldn't even get myself to be angry at him for lying to me anymore. I was a hopeless case and I blamed it on my parents. After all, it was their fault that I had never had any experience, or even knowledge, about this kind of thing. I was breaking down into pieces and the only person who could make it better was speaking softly in my ears. Something about having to go now.

"No!" I objected. The déjà vu was overwhelming. "I'm not letting you leave this time."

"Irmanda—"

"No!" I retorted once again. "The last time you were here you also had to leave as soon as you had me sitting in my bed. That's not going to happen again. Not tonight at least." I was starting to become frantic. The object of my desires—literally—was right there and he wanted to escape. What an absurdity.

"Listen, you need some time to think." he said, pulling away from my grasp and trying to compose his face. "You'll be better in the morning. Besides, I can't be caught here."

"Why not?" I asked, slightly irritated. The crying had however decided to stop.

"It's not safe."

"That's what you said last time and I'm not buying." This caused him to consider for a while. Then, he finally sat back down on the bed next to me. "I'm not mad at you any more and I certainly don't want you to leave." I said, burying my face in his chest for the second time today, wetting his clothes once more. It was childish of me to cling to him this way. I knew that and I didn't care.

"You truly are a piece of work." he said, smoothing my hair.

I could tell from his voice that he was smiling. I smiled too and decided to put an end to all of the waiting and the cheating and the lying. I looked up at him and he stroked the remains of the tears away from my cheeks. I looked into his deep gray eyes. Something about them was so attractive, so appealing, that I didn't feel myself leaning towards him until he placed a restraining hand on my shoulder. I knew he couldn't—and eventually wouldn't—resist if I insisted. I approached him once more and, this time, I was able to touch my lips to his for the tiniest second.

"No" he protested weakly, not entirely convinced himself.

"Why?" I asked, getting up on my knees so that I was taller than him. "Actually... why not?" I said, dropping light kisses all over his mouth, cheeks and jaw line.

He pulled away but there was no use. The more he avoided me, the more the longing I felt for him dominated my actions. I knew he wanted to proceed with this as much as I did but it was wiser to go at his pace. I had to repress the eagerness in my actions in order for this to work. I slowed down my movements, trying to make the edge in them disappear and it worked. His muscles were just as tense but he wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt a slight edge—maybe guilt—in his movement. Nevertheless, he held me tighter, stroking my back as I climbed over onto his lap, my legs on either side of his, holding him prisoner while my kisses polluted his perfectly smooth lips.

"Don't be afraid." I whispered into his ear. "I won't let anyone hurt you." I quoted his own words and this seemed to have a much bigger effect on him than I expected.

With sudden eagerness, he rose to his knees just like I had and took my face in his hands. He kissed me feverishly and I could feel that the tension in his jaw was that in his whole body. I knew he thought that this was wrong but I couldn't get myself to stop, not even when we were both running breathless. We parted, gasping for air like we had been under water and launched back in our fervent embrace as soon as we had just enough air to keep us on track. My hands traced the side of his face, memorizing every line, every shape of his beautiful features, and then moved down his neck, taking hold of the button that kept his collar in place. It was the first in a long trail that led straight down his torso and abdomens. I could feel his muscles under my fingers as the battle continued between me and that first miserable, treacherous button. I yanked it out of place and his long, black cloak fell to the floor, giving me access to the rest of the traitors concealing his fair skin from my gaze. I started pulling on the first traitor-buttons I saw, not caring in what order they were released, as long as they disappeared. Draco's hands were searching my hair for pins he had not yet removed and my brown locks tumbled down the length of my back, long and strong, waving their way to touch the surface of the bed. Sweat was forming on both of our bodies, but we didn't care. As my hands struggled with his shirt, his own engaged in a fight with my dress' traitors, pulling them free from the fabric. His lips traced up my neck, along my jaw line, and back to my mouth as his expert hands removed the dress from my body, freeing me from its pressure. Thankfully, there was no corset to be removed, since the back of the dress _was_ the corset. I let his lips escape mine only to allow him to remove the cloth from my arms and my chest. I instantly slid off the rest of the dress and more of my clothes until I was left wearing only the undergarments I had bought in a store in London not so long ago. He chuckled and seemed to be pleased to see that I wasn't wearing the disgusting, old-fashioned, knee-long underpants that he had expected, but rather much more revealing underpants that matched with the bra. He stared at me, his eyes praising my subtly athletic shapes before letting his mouth regain control of mine.

I immediately went back to demolishing the buttons on his shirt—I was definitely having more trouble with this than he was—as he kissed me passionately. His fingers went slowly from my face, down to my neck, my chest, and then my sides, tracing my delicate yet diabolic shapes. I figured they had to be diabolic in order to convince him so completely and so suddenly of the need to conquer me that he obviously felt. His lips also moved down from my mouth to my neck, stopping to nibble and suck lightly on the skin at my collar bone. This created a squirmy feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I interpreted as a sign of delight. I was beginning to be absorbed by the battle between me and his shirt when he finally decided it was enough. He pulled away from me just long enough to throw off what was left of that piece of clothing and then came back to his fervent meeting with my skin. I was too anxious now and I could no longer support my own weight. I felt myself getting dizzy and I knew he could feel it too. He pushed me down suddenly and the cold texture of the covers against my bare back made me shiver. He looked at me anxiously for a second. Realizing the danger of him changing his mind, I flung my arms around his neck, pulling him into another tight, breathtaking kiss. His fingers continued to make their way up and down my body as we kissed for an immeasurable time. As soon as I could concentrate again I attacked his pants, pulling on the zipper and on the first button. My hand hit something hard in the process, making Draco shiver and moan. I had only one guess what that would be and I knew I was right. I lay on my back, kissing him with force I never knew I possessed. He was on top of me, leaning against his elbows so as not to crush me with his weight. A different kind of tension now crisped the muscles of his body as he held me tighter to him. I had my legs on either side of him, knowing I would crumble if his hips got any closer to mine than they already were. He sensed the subtle fear in my eyes and looked once more into them anxiously. I kissed him again, encouraging him to go on, knowing all too well that he would not be able to resist much longer. I tried to rid him of his pants but he pushed back and tore them off, along with the rest of his clothes entirely. I took this chance to get rid of the rest of what I was wearing, too.

I gasped and my eyes flew open as soon as he moved himself closer to me. He held my hips on either side with his hands and I couldn't help but blush at the feel of his body against mine in that now particularly hot and humid area of my anatomy. He hesitated but after a few seconds I pulled him closer, craving for the images that had formed in my head. He brushed my thighs lightly with the tips of his fingers, making my temperature blaze, all while kissing me so profoundly it seemed unreal. I longed for more. There wasn't a millimeter of space between us yet I held him tighter to me, afraid this would be our final encounter. He moved his hips ever so close to mine and I could feel the hard-rock lump that had formed there, strong and ready, so close to my bare skin that I could feel the heat emanating from it. I felt my pulse harder there than anywhere else in my body and I knew I was ready for this. With a small movement of my hips, I was able to make contact with the part of Draco that I desired most at this very moment. I was only able to touch it lightly, as if it were a feather that brushed against my skin. The feel of it sent my heart into a pounding rage and I could resist no longer. I moaned _"Now"_ into Draco's ear and he nodded. I felt my insides tear and I winced at the pain. He stopped to make sure I was alright but I wouldn't let that last for long. I couldn't. This was not normal pain. This was a pain I wanted, the sweetest pain in existence. I begged him to continue and he obeyed my wish. The pain tore at me again, the speed increasing with every thrust of my lovers body that brought him deeper still into mine. I was living a moment of bliss and nothing anyone could do would change that. I flew in the air until I reached beyond the skies, my Draco sailing along with me. Our screams were muffled by our kisses as we ended the journey together and we both came to realize that, from that point on, nothing in the world could separate us, no matter what the cost could be.

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There we go :) I bet that was unexpected, wasn't it? * evil laugh *

By the way, I totally invented Derek. I mean, I don't even know if Draco Malfoy _has_ a cousin or not. Hehe :D

Anyways, the randomness is over now and I need to go to sleep since it's really late where I live and I'm starting to go crazy and I can't concentrate anymore. See you all later ;) lol * evil laugh again * ^_^


	12. Explanations

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Well, here's chapter 12 :) Hope you guys like it. Remember to leave a review please ^_^ Thanks in advance ;)

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**Chapter 12: Explanations**

Warmth surrounded me, though I remembered it had been winter last time I awoke in my room. A bright yellow light came from the direction of my fireplace but I couldn't get myself to open my eyes and look. I could feel the heat emanating from it but a much stronger heat came from within me. I was in a state of pure bliss and I did not want it to end. After a long moment I decided I ought to get out of bed. The more time I spent there, the more prominent the memories of last night became in my mind. I stood up and yawned hugely, stretching all the while. A slight feeling of stiffness in the majority of my muscles was slowly becoming obvious. I went into my bathroom and lounged in my already prepared bath, letting the warmth of the water accentuate the warmth I felt in the pit of my stomach. A little part of my mind noted how convenient it was to have housekeepers, maids and such.

I spent as much time as I could in the water before getting out, getting dressed and heading to the dining room, the warmth of my soul never leaving me. I walked slowly down the staircase leading to the front hall with a huge smile on my face. I had never felt so childishly secure and happy. I headed towards the huge door behind which hid the dining room. I was completely unaware of the loud comments coming from inside the chamber until I opened the door and was greeted by two pairs of scowling faces.

"What. Have. You. _Done?_" my mother growled. I stared at her for a while, not comprehending.

"What do you mean?" I asked in return.

What was this about? I hadn't done anything that I knew would anger her. I wouldn't; I knew better than to anger this woman.

"Oh, you know _exactly_ what I mean." The look she gave me was one a murder victim would give to their killer.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about, mother." I said. I was beginning to back into a corner because of the expression she held.

"Olivia..." my father began but didn't continue. This conversation must have been taking place for a long while before I even woke up. I wondered silently what time it was.

"It's three o' clock in the afternoon." my mother said, glaring at me.

"Three in the afternoon?" I repeated incredulously.

Just then I wondered if she had heard my unspoken question about the time. She just glowered at me without saying another word. My father stood behind her, mixed expressions of what seemed like apology and pain decorating his features. He must have been trying to persuade my mother to let me off the hook for a while. Maybe even longer than I thought. I looked at them both uncomprehendingly. What was this about? My mother glared at me, fury obvious in her eyes.

"You've never—in your whole life—slept so long. Do you mind telling me why that is? What have you been doing all night that requires such grand amounts of sleep?"

She eyed me suspiciously, waiting for my answer. I rummaged around in my head, searching for something I had done that might have offended her this much. I found nothing. I couldn't find anything that would offend her at all. What had I done to her that would make me deserve all of this? Then realization hit me. I had done nothing at all to _her_. I had done plenty to myself. And Draco. I stared at my mother incredulously. How did she find out? Did she really know or was this some sort of a trap? She couldn't possibly have heard us. Her room was miles away from mine. How did she know? _Did_ she know? This was an impossible situation. I decided it was best to pretend until I knew if she had really discovered what I thought she had.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I repeated. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Shut up!" she spat. "Don't you dare play dumb with me young lady. I know exactly what happened last night. There's only one explanation to what I heard coming from your bedroom." I gasped in shock, my eyes widening.

"_Heard?_" That was impossible.

"Yes, 'heard'. What did you think? That you could get away with this without us knowing? They have you guarded by the strongest magic in existence and you decide to throw all of that away so easily? Of course, when all of this breaks, it makes commotion. Such strong magic cannot be upheld in silence. Such strong magic there to guide only you! You and our own family. The three of us. And now it's all gone. How could you do this to us, you miserable little—"

"Olivia!" my father interjected. "Stop. She doesn't know."

"What don't I know?" I asked warily. Their words made no sense when they stared to talk of magic.

"Forget it. We'll talk with you later."

"Later?" my mother demanded, her voice rising greatly. "There will be no 'later'! We're talking now!" she was losing it. I could tell.

"Olivia, this is not her fault. We should have warned her from the beginning. She didn't know. She obviously doesn't know now, either." He looked at me apologetically again.

"Wait, I don't understand." I said suddenly. This was much too confusing. "Mother. What exactly did you... hear?" It was difficult to finish the sentence knowing the possibilities of the answer.

"Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing." my mother said sarcastically. No, she wasn't losing it. She had already lost it. "Just the wind blowing so hard the walls of this very mansion trembled. Only about a hundred voices screaming in the air so hard I almost went deaf! All of this was absolutely _nothing_." She spat the last word at me furiously. Her expression was murderous, like a psychopath playing with their victim before going for the big kill.

"Darling..." my father started "... these are all signs we were expecting long ago. We cannot blame her for something she has absolutely no control over." My mother stared at her husband incredulously. She opened her mouth to speak but my father held up a hand to silence her. "We should have seen this coming. It was inevitable. Besides, Lucius was preparing his son for this. They have both grown so much, we can hardly call them children. She's fifteen years old and Draco is seventeen. I'm surprised this hasn't happened earlier. No matter how long we tried to delay it, we still had no choice. We should have prepared her for this a long time ago but we were cowardly enough to procrastinate such a dangerous part of her life. All we could do was hope the boy didn't make the choice but he did and now there's nothing we can do about it. The process has already started. We can't stop it now."

"Armando, listen to me..." my mother began.

What were they talking about? Was I that invisible? I didn't understand a thing and they refused to tell me. I watched my mother and father go on about things I didn't comprehend. I could not hear anymore. How many more lies and secrets could I take? I had been lied to over a thousand times. I had recently discovered that my entire existence was a lie. I was a gifted child that everyone wanted as their own. They fought for me amongst each other and all I could do was stand there and watch them fight to the death. Why were they so decided to hurt me? I stood with my back towards the door. I hadn't moved since I had come through that very door just minutes before my life had re-crumbled apart. I backed up slowly, shaking my head in denial. This could not be true. Why were they doing this to me? This was worse than I had thought. This wasn't one of those arguments that my parents—no matter how strong the argument was—would overcome. This was worse than any other argument. This one was making me physically ill. A sudden sickness crept into my stomach and my hands flew up to my suddenly blazing head. I ran from the room—they had obviously forgotten my presence by this time. The urge to puke became so strong I knew I wouldn't make it to the closest bathroom. I flung the nearest broom-cupboard-door open and fell to the ground, grabbing the first bucket I saw. I knelt over it for several long minutes, the burn in my mouth, throat and nostrils becoming unbearable. This was all I could take, all I _would_ take.

It was then that I made my decision. I would run and never come back. But where would I run to? Draco had been in on this the whole time. He was part of the lie. I couldn't run to _him_, could I? A part of me wanted to deny this but a stronger part wanted to blame him for all of the trouble and pain I was in. It was hard for me to believe he would betray me so. I suddenly remembered the words that Derek had used to describe him. '_An actor'_ he had said. It was clear that this had to be a lie but I couldn't get myself to hate him, not after what had happened between us the previous night. I was in complete denial. _Draco!_ I screamed his name in my head as loud as I could.

The sickness in my stomach ended as abruptly as it had started, leaving me with just enough energy to apparate to my room. Sobs broke through my lips as I lay limply on the floor. The ground beneath me was stained with tears and I still couldn't stop sobbing. The vulnerability I felt was excessively irritating and I felt helpless as a crumpled up piece of paper. Suddenly, a warm, gentle pair of arms wrapped themselves around me and held me tightly. A soft voice whispered that everything would be alright. The tears poured from my eyes harder than before as I was lifted up into the air and set on the bed. Once again, just like last night, I was sitting in my bed, cradled in his arms, and crying hysterically. I wondered how much more patient he would have to be to endure the pain I put him through. The anger I felt towards him suddenly became gratitude. I decided to be less childish and talk to him this time, instead of dragging him into doing something that was now obviously wrong. I was going to be fully grateful for his being able to hold me in his arms and care for me rather than be disgusted at me for yesterday. He should have hated me. After all, he knew we would get in trouble. He knew it all along yet he refused to explain to me why it was so dangerous for us to be together, even if we weren't being intimate. Of course he knew but I couldn't find it in me to hate him or even to be angry with him. It was I who had insisted for him to spend the night in my room. I knew it was wrong from the beginning but the feeling overpowered me so violently I couldn't let him leave. I had done all of this to him; I had surely hurt him so deeply, put him in so much trouble while caring only for myself and my own feelings and ignoring all of his warnings. I was the cause of his pain and mine and yet he could still hold me tightly in his arms, so gently and carefully, with no signs of hatred. For that I had to be grateful.

"Shh, my love, don't cry. Everything will be alright." I could sense a hint of pain in his voice as he whispered in my ear. "Everything will be alright" he repeated. "I won't let them hurt you."

His words comforted me and a new wave of gratitude and—strangely enough—relief washed over me at the sound of his voice. He was enduring the pain that I inflicted on him without even protesting once. No, he actually had the heart to call me his love. My tears started to dry as a wild feeling of hatred overwhelmed me. I wasn't hating Draco. I couldn't hate him, not when he was so generous to me. This scorching heat was directed towards someone else.

"I hate myself" I said, burying my face in his shirt although the flow of my tears had entirely stopped now.

"Why?" he demanded. I heard the surprise in his voice.

"For all of the pain I make you endure." I answered. "You're always there to protect me and to watch over me and what do I do in return? I get you in trouble and, this time, the trouble seams to be completely unavoidable and the damage incurable. What have I done?" Guilt crept up into the pit of my stomach as I tagged the rhetorical question to the end of my reproaches.

"You've done nothing wrong." Draco told me.

"Oh please!" I retorted, pulling away from him but still avoiding to look him in the eyes. "I heard the anger in my mother's voice today and I saw the way she looked at me. And the things she said! I don't understand a word of it all but if there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, it's that this is no joke. I will never be forgiven for what I made you do last night. It was purely selfish."

At this point, my voice had turned into an almost-whisper and the intensity with which I spoke had considerably diminished. I didn't dare look up at him. I was afraid of his expression. He was bound to realize to what extent I had ruined our lives. There would be no compromise this time. My parents would not allow me to go unpunished and my mother especially would see to that well. I couldn't help but feel ashamed of myself. Draco put a soft finger under my chin and pulled my face up so that our eyes met despite my feeble effort to resist. The intensity of his gaze took me by surprise.

"Listen to me, Irmanda." he said firmly but—somehow—softly. "I. Love. You. Do you hear me, Irmanda? I, Draco Malfoy, am in love with you and there is no force on this planet or any other that can change that. Not your parents; not my parents; not anything in the world can come between our love and I will do everything in my power to protect you. I promise you this."

I looked at him incredulously. Had he just admitted to loving me? There was no way for it to be possible. Could he really be telling the truth this time? After all the truths I had discovered to be lies over the past few months and years of my life, could this one actually be real? I had difficulty believing this. I was petrified and all I could do was look Draco in the eyes and try to convince myself that his words were reality.

"Do you not feel the same?" he asked me after a while. He looked hurt, which surprised me.

"No! Of course I feel the same. I just... I just can't believe that you would want me after what I made you do. I'm always getting you in trouble yet you refuse to leave me alone. You're always so nobly saving me and I never fail to thank you by putting you in graver danger than before. Every time my actions lead us both closer to misery and this time I seem to have made the most unforgivable mistake yet. And through all of this you still find it in you to forgive and to love me. I've hurt you in so many ways. I don't deserve your love."

A tear trickled down my left cheek. Without warning, Draco leaned down and caught it with a touch of his lips. He sat down next to me on the bed and gently kissed my forehead and laid his own forehead against mine.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again." he said. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was." I said looking down in shame.

"No it wasn't" He said severely, looking me in the eyes again. "It was not your fault."

"Then what?" I said desperately. "I'm the one who dragged you into this mess. If I hadn't insisted then nothing would have happened. I'm the one to blame. Why aren't you angry with me?" Another tear escaped my eyelids and was wiped away just as gently as the other.

"I'm not angry because you're not the one I should be angry with." he said, playing with a lock of my hair.

"Then who is it?" I asked weakly.

"No one." he said, taking my face in his hand, pulling it up to see my eyes. "You're not the one to blame. There simply _is_ no one to blame." He spoke calmly—surely trying to calm me down as well. "What happened is that the need to conceive got the better of you. You didn't know the signs; you never knew what to expect so you couldn't have known how to judge the situation. If anyone is at fault, it is _I_ for not having been strong enough to resist your advances. I knew what would come of such a situation and I knew what to expect from my own behalf but I had no idea you could be so... persuasive." He finished with a half-lipped smile that looked so perfectly fit on his face that I couldn't help but giggle. He continued to play with that lock of my hair. "You see? This is in reality something we could not have anticipated and it was bound to happen. You shouldn't blame yourself. In fact, I would say that last night was the most special night of my life... so far." He smiled the same smile again, sending me a wink at the same time, and I felt my resolve falter.

"You know, if you keep acting like that, I might just think about making tonight just as special." I said, blushing and looking straight down into my lap.

Draco chuckled a low, sweet sound and pulled my face up to his. The kiss was short and light but it filled me up with passion. When our lips parted, both of us were smiling.

"Will you please stop torturing yourself now?" Draco pleaded.

"I'll try." I promised sarcastically, and then I frowned. "But there's something I don't understand. Earlier, you said it was my 'need to conceive' that took control of my actions. What exactly does that mean?"

"You were born to be one of the greatest witches of all time. You have special capacities that no other witch or wizard has. Therefore, your nature as a unique individual pushed you to attempt to reproduce. It's natural for such a special being as you to want to spread your special genes. If only you knew what an asset you really are to our Wizarding community."

"You look at me with admiration I don't understand." I said shyly.

"Why so?" he asked. "Do your parents not look at you the same way?"

"My parents? Ha!" The laugh was purely sarcastic. "If my mother had her way, I would be shredded into a thousand pieces and thrown to the dogs."

"I'm not so sure about that." he said.

"What?"

"Nothing." He smiled at me and the smile almost instantly turned into a frown. He seemed so deep in thought. It was only several minutes later that I dared interrupt his thinking.

"What's bothering you?" I asked.

"It's nothing." he answered with a smile.

"No it's not. I know a troubled man when I see one. Tell me." I insisted. He looked at me hesitantly, then sighed and decided to tell the truth... for once.

"It's just... I have trouble controlling myself around you. I mean... I can't help but think that all this mess is really _my_ fault." He looked at his lap, escaping my curious gaze. "I knew everything. I was warned about it before the first time you even met me. I knew everything yet I was still not able to deny what you were offering. I wasn't strong enough to stop it and this worries me."

"Why should it worry you?" I asked gently. I knew the pressure was starting to influence him and I didn't want to accentuate it.

"I should be strong enough to deny you this sort of action because if I'm not then Lord knows what else I can't protect you from."

"What else _is_ there to protect me from?"

"The world, the dark Lord, Potter and his pathetic friends, your parents, even your own ego and..." he came to a sudden stop, realizing that he said something he shouldn't have said.

"My parents?" I said. "You want to protect me from my parents?" I almost laughed. "I know my mother is unbearable but she's not dangerous."

"She's more dangerous than you think she is." Draco muttered.

"How." I said this like a dare.

"I'm not sure I'm the one who should be telling you this." he said, playing with a curl in my hair. "You might hate me for knowing and keeping such a secret from you."

"Then tell me." I said, creeping closer to him with a defiant smile on my face. "Or else..." I leaned in and kissed the dent behind his ear lobe.

"Stop." He said. It was one small, simple word but the way he said it made me cease my advance immediately and move away.

"See. You're strong enough to say no." I said in a small seductive voice, sitting back down on the bed in front of him. "I want to know everything my parents are hiding from me." I said. He took me gently in his arms and sat me on his lap.

"Listen carefully. What I'm about to tell you won't be easy to understand."

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More suspense for my beloved readers ^_^ loool

Check out the next chapter for the answer you guys are _dying_ to get ;)


	13. Revelations

Story title: Memoirs of a lost soul

Author: Yukaya

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the main character and certain parts of the plot, not everything. All the rest belongs to JK Rowling and the editors/publishers/etc of the Harry Potter series.

Pairings: Irmada/Draco

Summary: We all know what happens to the trio in all seven books. Now, how about a look at what it felt like to be the "bad guys" having love issues…

Author's note: Chapter 13 is up =D! Enjoy ;)

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**Chapter 13: Revelations**

"Your parents are not the people you think they are." said Draco, looking at me sadly. "During the days when the Dark Lord governed our cities and his followers bred fear in the hearts of Dumbledore and his kind, us witches and wizards of the dark side had the advantage in everything. The world was ours for the taking and no one could stand in the Dark Lord's way. Once he wanted something, he would get it and not a soul in the world was foolish enough to stand in his way. One day, however, he discovered that a young girl was to be born in a small town, just a little south of Scotland and this girl would have powers even he himself could not dream of obtaining."

"That girl was me?" I asked in awe.

"Exactly." said Draco, smoothing my hair lightly as I sat in his lap. "The Dark Lord became very curious as to who this young girl could be. Your mother made a great effort to protect you and to wipe out all traces that led to you during her pregnancy but the Dark Lord knew how to find you. By the time he did, you had just been born. The woman that gave birth to you, your biological mother, was too weak to defend you when _He_ came along so capturing you was an easy task. In fact, your mother had already passed away just minutes before his arrival. You were only a few hours old when you were robbed of the only family you had and taken away to live a whole other life than the one you would have, if the Lord had not discovered you and the powers you possess."

"This means that... my parents now.... are not my real parents?" I said hesitantly. This, out of all the lies I had discovered until now, was the hardest to believe; almost impossible.

"Yes. The people you currently call 'mother' and 'father' are not your biological parents." he admitted. "Your true father was never found and your mother did not live long after you were born. She had no legal papers either so no one could find her true identity."

"But how did I end up in the family I''m with now?" I asked.

"The Dark Lord knew that you were born to be the strongest and most talented witch of all time so he had to find you a family that would be able to give you the appropriate care and attention you needed." he continued. " Luckily for him, he had prepared Armando and Olivia Driggador for such an addition to their family. Just three years earlier, an accident had taken the life of their five-month-old daughter and the Lord came to them with a replacement for their loss; an offer they could not turn down. They accepted to keep you as their own, to treat you like the daughter they had lost, maybe even better and, in return, the Lord offered them lifetime of gold and a protection for them as well as for you. This protection, however, would only last until the process of rebirth took place."

"What does that mean?" I asked him.

"Well..." he began " Remember what happened between us last night?"

"Of course I do." I exclaimed. "What I don't understand is what this has to do with this whole story."

"It has everything to do with the story." said Draco. "The process of 'rebirth' starts the moment you mate with a male whose child you will bare. It's a sort of 'rebirth' for your powers because they are copied into your spawn and they develop along with it."

"Does this mean I'm pregnant?" I asked, staring at Draco in shock but he just chuckled and went back to patting my head.

"No, absolutely not." he said, smiling slightly at the shock displayed on my face. "It's the first time our world encounters a phenomenon such as yourself so there is no way to be entirely sure of the outcome of a night like the one we had. We are a thousand percent sure about one thing, though, and it is that if you were pregnant with my child, you would be in a coma."

"Why?" I questioned.

"Because the child would be so powerful you would not stand to be conscious during the period of time in which it grows inside of you. Plus, you are still very, very young for this kind of phenomenon to take place inside of your body. Not to mention that I am far from being an ideal father." he added with a smirk.

"You keep calling it a phenomenon." I noted.

"That's because it is one." he replied. "In any case, you don't look like you'll go into coma any time soon so it's definite that you are not pregnant."

"What a relief." I muttered sarcastically. Draco chuckled lightly and the sound made me smile. "What do we do now?"

"Well, the 'rebirth' has started, which means that the protection the Dark Lord has been providing your family with until now has been broken and abandoned." he said. "This also means that I am now your official protector and I will stay that until you decide to mate with another wizard."

"I would never do that!" I cried in horror, sitting up and looking him straight in the eyes. "You know I wouldn't."

"Of course I do." he said, looking at me, a gentle smile decorating his soft lips. How appealing they became when we were alone. "It is your choice, though. You could chose another. I was originally chosen for this task but you still have the choice to take whomever you like—" I cut him off with a kiss and only pulled back with great effort after knowing for sure that he would speak no more.

"I love you, Draco Malfoy." I told him, looking him in the eyes again. "No one will ever take that away from us and that is a promise."

Draco looked into my eyes, seeing the seriousness in them. I wanted him to know how true what I said was; I wanted him to believe me just as entirely as I believed him; I wanted him to stay with me and I knew I would never chose anyone over him, no matter who this 'anyone' was. My feelings for him were pure and true and I knew he could tell it wasn't a lie. I felt the intensity of yesterday's emotions crawling back into me as each one of us saw the other's soul through the other's eyes. His were an irresistible pale blue, almost gray. As we sat face to face it was as if the soft cushions under us were screaming words that we could not ignore. The temptation to take him in my arms like I had done the night before grew strong, but I simply could not hurt him this way again tonight. He kissed my forehead and got off the bed as my eyes fluttered slightly, threatening to close from tire. Draco realized that I was about to fall asleep and set me comfortably into my bed as I gave in to the overwhelming pressure of my dreams.

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Here's chapter 13 =D It's amazing how I can make my characters suffer *evillaugh*. You haven't seen anything yet ;) lol

By the way, I'm thinking of changing the Harry Potter-related things in this fic into things from my own imagination and publishing this story as my first novel. What do you guys think? Reviews would be much appreciated ^_^ Thanks a lot to those who answer (and those who read this) and see you next chapter ;)


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